By: Pastor Justin Krupsky, Associate Pastor
This past weekend I was able to be one of the main presenters at a Couples Retreat in Port Huron called, “What did you expect?” My topic was Pulling Weeds and Planting Seeds in your marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 :28 says, “that those who marry will face trouble.” This means that there are weeds in our marriages. At the retreat as we studied the Scriptures on marriage we saw that in conflict, in trouble, we are called to do four things. First, we are called to meta-cognitively process the conflict. This means we are called to think about our thinking. In Philippians God calls us to think about the things that are good, praiseworthy, and honorable in the midst of the storms of life which includes in our marriages. In Song of Solomon Chapter 5 as God passes on wisdom to us about marriage we see the wife do this in regards to her husband who has sinned against her. She shares a list of all the good traits that she knows are true about her husband. I encouraged each couple at the retreat to take a few minutes during the day and do some meta-cognitive processing. Write down the good traits of your spouse. Why did you marry him or her? The hope is that when conflict strikes, when weeds appear, the seeds from this exercise will captivate your thoughts toward your spouse. The second thing spouses were asked to do was to confess their sins to one another as God tells us to do in James 5:16. Simply say you are sorry. Take ownership and apologize. Spouses were reminded of a great resource called “The Five Languages of Apology,” by Gary Chapman based on Psalm 51. The third task for each couple was also based on James 5:16 and that was to pray for each other. Specifically to take time and ask your spouse what five things can I pray for you for this week and then pray each day. I have read that 90% of marital conflicts occur from outside sources; this statistic calls us to fight for our spouse (pray for them) not fight with them. The fourth task was to forgive your spouse. In 1 Corinthians 13 it says, “Love keeps no records of wrongs.” Forgiveness is hard, it certainly was for Jesus, but we are called to do this. We are called to absolve them, just like Jesus has first absolved us.
These four seeds of wisdom that God speaks of in his word have empowered my marriage with Jenni to where it is today. Meta-cognitive processing about her, apologizing to her, praying for her, and forgiving her have not gotten old and I am certain that they won’t until death parts us or Jesus returns. May you pull some weeds and plant some seeds in your marriage this week.