By: Rev. Justin Krupsky, Senior Pastor
In pre-marriage counseling the #1 goal is to give a couple the tools to be able to resolve conflict. So, many couples go round and round in what counselors call the crazy cycle. They talk about the conflict, but they never resolve it. What we look for in a couple is the ability to be assertive enough to share how they are feeling when they are hurt or disappointed. In turn we also work with couples to be able to listen and not judge the other’s feelings. Speaking skills and listening skills are huge if we want to have the ability to actually be able to resolve conflict. Often times I will ask the couple what they believe to be the top two skills of a great listener. Here is what they say:
#1. The ability to be able to connect emotionally and not dismiss the emotions.
#2. The ability to repeat back the simple words that they hear.
I also ask the couple what they believe to be the top two skills of the a great speaker in the midst of conflict. Here is what they say:
#1. The ability to not go on and on, to keep it simple so that they can repeat what they are hearing
#2. The ability to show a degree of understanding to the other as they speak their mind.
Believe it or not, the vast majority of couples have great wisdom when it comes to speaking and listening which are the basic skills in resolving relational conflict.
This weekend as we continue our sermon series on the Ancient Words of Ephesians we are going to see God address the church Ephesus in regards to how they respond when they are hurt by one another. My prayer for all of us is that we will let God’s word guide us when we find ourselves in relational conflict. Our thoughts can best us when we are hurt by others, but God’s Word says to take them captive with His truth. His ancient Word, which is living and active.